You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
