I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
