Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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