oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
