Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
