it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
