Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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