A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
being pregnant is like rehab
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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