so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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