Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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