On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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