Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
