wat bout pragnant strippers??
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize