Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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