how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
