Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize