All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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