I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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