Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
pray to the hookup gods
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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