there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
