She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
