Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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