What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
