What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
