Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize