Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
