i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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