he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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