I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
