But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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