So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
