Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
