JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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