it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
