dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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