saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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