I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
