I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
