You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
