Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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