I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you are never too drunk for berry picking
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
