Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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