dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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