we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize