Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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