I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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