last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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