rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
