I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
