I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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