He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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