The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
