I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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