he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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