Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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