His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
