he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
