Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
