My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
