Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
