just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
