Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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