JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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