i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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