I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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