If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
