$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
