I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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