how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize