What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
