So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
