I feel great
I just peed on a car
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
