I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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