I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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