last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
