are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
