I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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