just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
