you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
