I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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