YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
