and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
