I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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